Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize