last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
