I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
