Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
