How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
