she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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