now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
