I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
it glows. i had to have it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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