found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Pants are for mortals
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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