By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
