dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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