trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
well you can't waste a boner
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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