Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
