I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
