Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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