I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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