so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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