Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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