they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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