Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
