Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
