How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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