I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
