Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
