We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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