I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
