Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
