my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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