If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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