there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
