Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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