apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My life is pants optional.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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