"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
