He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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