Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
