So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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