Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
