Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
