peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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