My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
