You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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