i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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