i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
