yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
