I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
