Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
