I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
