she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
