Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
