Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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