My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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