every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
