i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
