Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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