you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
