wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
