The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
