After last night, I could never be a politician.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
