i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my sisters under your porch take her home
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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