Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
