Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
