I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
