I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My boob is missing a layer of skin
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
