My balls are so social today.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
