I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
