Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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