I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
