ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Say something about gay babies.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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