the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
